Chapter One: The Golden Tickets
"Dear People of Springfield," you could read on a poster pinned to a tree in Springfield, "this year I, Krusty the Clown (also known as Herschel Krustofski) will allow five kids to come and visit me in my factory for a day full of wonders and surprises. The tickets to this awesome adventure will be hidden inside any ordinary Krusty Krunch-Chocolate Bar. More information you will find on the tickets themselves."
"Wow, Bart!", Milhouse said to Bart, "ain't that cool?"
"Yeah!", Bart said. "Imagine if we found the tickets
the others would turn green with envy!"
"But Bart," Milhouse replied, "do you realise how many Krusty-Krunch-Chocolate Bars there are in the world? Our hopes of finding just one of these are almost non-existent!"
"Well, we'll see," Bart said. "The very least we can do is try, can't we?"
And so Bart and Milhouse scraped together all of their money and turned it into Krusty-Krunch-Chocolate Bars. Every time they bought a couple, they would slowly open it, expecting a ticket to fall out, but nothing happened. When at last none of the two had any money left, Milhouse tried to scrounge some money off his mother while Bart nicked twenty dollars from his father (who was sounds asleep on the couch).
"That's all we have," Bart said, putting thirty-one dollars and few cent on the kitchen table at last. "Each one of us will bet fifteen dollars
let's hope it works this time."
But they weren't lucky this time around, too
The money they had left dwindled fast, and soon they only thing left was one dollar.
"This is it," Bart said. "Our very last chance."
"Yeah," Milhouse said as he entered the Sweets Shop together with Bart. "Oh, please, God, let this be the one!", he prayed.
"One Krusty-Krunch-Chocolate Bar," Bart ordered.
"One dollar," The man at the counter said, and Bart handed him the money.
"Come on Bart!", Milhouse said as Bart began slowly ripping the plastic wrappers off the bar. "Oh my god, what if it's the one
" Milhouse bit his lip.
" Bart muttered under his breath. "And
Bart sighed. "Bummer! I was so looking forward to meeting Krusty for real!"
"Nelson is going to kill me!", Milhouse said. "I said I'd get him a bit of the chocolate they store there
HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!" Milhouse began dancing on the spot nervously.
"Calm down, Milhouse," Bart said, his head hanging low. "He's not
the worst you can expect from him is hanging you upside down on the flagpole
supported by your undies."
"Thank you a lot, Bart!", Milhouse snarled. "Now I am really feeling better!"
"No problem," Bart said miserably.
When Bart came home, he went to fridge straight away and got himself a Buzz Cola and some chips. Next, he planted himself on the couch and switched on the television set. Lisa, who just came downstairs, frowned as she found Bart lying on his back.
"Bart, you're starting to look just like Homer," she said, eyeing the can in his hands.
"What-Börp- do you mean?" Bart got up again. "I just had a rough time
"And next you're going to tell me you're off to Moe's, or what?" Lisa sat down next to Bart. "What's up?"
"Milhouse and have been trying to get out hands on one of the tickets to the factory tour with Krusty," Bart said, sighing. "I just spent my last money on another of those Chocolate Bars."
"Did you say Chocolate bars?" Lisa said, turning to face her brother. "Wait a moment!" And she swooshed off into her room. A couple of minutes later, she reappeared in front of Bart, panting.
"Well- Skinner gave this-to me- as a prize- for not missing a single day of school for-four weeks," she said, still slightly out of breath, holding a Krusty-Krunch-Chocolate Bar in one hand. "Maybe you're luckier this time, Bart."
"Why didn't you eat it?" Bart said, raising an eyebrow.
"Bart, have you ever even looked at what is in there?", Lisa said. "They're using so much chemical stuff I'm surprised they can even get away with calling this food."
"Well than, hand it over," Bart said. He breathed in deeply and ripped off the wrapper. And out of the bar fell-
"A Ticket!" Bart said. "I can't believe it! I found one ticket!" Gleaming with joy, he spontaneously hugged his sister. "Thank you so much!"
"No problem," Lisa said. "As long as it makes you happy
I wouldn't have wanted to see the place where they produce this abomination of nature and those cheap yet dangerous toys you seem to love so very much, Bart."
But Bart wasn't listening anymore; he'd run up into his room after he had realised he had actually hugged his own sister and was now trying to wash the feeling off by reading a few 'manly' comics.
"Glad to help," Lisa sighed and went up into her room. "I've got to practice playing the sax anyway
Chapter Two: The first Kid
A few days later, Bart and Homer were standing on the marketplace, where a bus was due to arrive any moment. Marge kissed Bart on his cheek as a goodbye (Bart gagged when Marge wasn't looking) and Lisa hugged Bart, who turned as red as beetroot.
"Bart, I sill don't get why you didn't want your Mom or me to go with you!", Homer said, a little cross.
"Homer," Bart said, "Mom would forbid me to touch anything and you would only eat the whole factory in one go. With Grampa, there's always a chance we forget him in the bus if he falls asleep
which he'll do, I bet."
The bus had arrived; to everybody's surprise, Otto Mann, the school bus driver, was driving it.
"Everybody get in!", he said. "Hi, Bartikins!"
"Hi Otto!", Bart greeted him. "What are you doing here?"
"Getting' some extra money," Otto said. "I like to live my life on the expensive road- if you know what I mean
Bart looked around for a seat and finally found one at the back of the bus. His Grandpa actually just had to sit down and he fell sound asleep. Bart sat down, opened his backpack and got out a copy of the latest Radioactive Man comic. While pretending to read, he was glimpsing over the edge of the comic, trying to get a first look at the four others that were going to see the factory with him.
On the bench closest to him, a blonde girl with long, flowing hair was speaking into a call phone. Her dozens of rings jingled every time she moved. Bar gulped; this was one of his ex-girlfriends, Greta Wolfcastle. I bet she asked her Daddy to get her tons of sweets until she found the right bar, Bart thought. Next to him, there was her father himself. Rainier Wolfcastle, also known as McBain, was reading a magazine and paying no attention to his surroundings at all.
On the next seat, he could see another familiar face: Uter, the German boy from his school was sitting there, munching on a bar of Chocolate. Bart wasn't surprised Uter hadn't told anyone about him winning anything
the only thing he used his mouth for was eating. His mother was sitting next to him, producing a new bar of chocolate out of her handbag every time Uter finished one.
In front of Uter, Bart saw someone in a blue vest and a pink shirt. As he looked, Nelson turned around, moving his hand swiftly over his throat. Bart gulped before burying his face in his comic again. The strange thing was that Nelson seemed to be the only one not accompanied by an adult.
The last one left now was- Bart didn't believe his eyes- Jessica Lovejoy, who at the moment was busy with polishing her nails in a nauseating pink. Bart shook his head and returned to his comic.
"Next stop: Krusty's factory!", Otto Mann said. "Everybody out! I wanna have me break, you know
"Wow!" Bart said as he got out of the bus. A giant factory was stretching in front of him. Dozens of pipes reached high into the sky, blowing poisonous gas into the air. A huge wrought iron gate was just a few meters away.
"Ouch!" Bart whelped; Nelson had dealt him a kick on the shins. "What was that for?"
"Haw haw!", Nelson said. "You're holding up everything, Simpson.", he explained. "Cleeee-tus!", he called. "Come over here."
"What's he doing here?", Greta Wolfcaste said as Cletus staggered up to Nelson. "He's reeking."
"I didn't wanna bring me mom here," Nelson said. "So I paid this doofus to pretend he's my father, okay?"
"Hph!", Greta said and turned away.
"Listen, everyone," a voice suddenly rang out. "Stop this nonsense and come forward."
The iron gates gave a loud screeching sound and opened slowly. The five kids and their parents stepped forward- just in the nick of time though, for the gates closed a moment later, barely missing Uter's big butt.
"Welcome to my factory, ungrateful brats
you shall now see me, Krusty the Clown, in person."
Music began to play, and the iron front doors opened inch by inch, slowly revealing a set of Krusty figures dancing in groups around a huge, high-backed chair- in which no one was sitting! The figures, however, turned their smiling faces towards the ten people and began to sing in rather screeching voices:
the best clown on TV
oh just where would we be
The voices suddenly got even louder, until there was a great BANG! and the heads of the figures came off. One landed right in Jessica Lovejoy's hands, issuing small swirls of smoke.
"Hey hey, kids!" Krusty the clown suddenly appeared on the stage, looking around startled. "Hm
seems the guys from the pyrotechnics didn't do their job properly again.. anyway, welcome everybody! Be warmly welcomed to my factory, dear people!"
Bart noticed that Krusty kept smiling while he read the words he said off a sheet of paper in his hand.
"So- shall we go in then?", Krusty finally offered. "Just drop your coats off anywhere
Mel's going to pick them off for you."
the hell am I doing," Mel muttered; he had climbed in last and was trying to pick up what the kids carelessly dropped. When Krusty got rid of the blue coat he'd worn outside, Bart could see he had dressed up just for the occasion, with a white shirt and a blue bow as well as a deep green tuxedo.
"No need to tell me your names-", Krusty said, but Jessica cut him off:
"I am Jessica Lovejoy!", she exclaimed, jumping in front of the clown, making him stop short. "Pleased to meet you, Sir."
"Not likewise," Krusty muttered, turning his attention to Greta Wolfcastle now.
"And you?", he snarled.
"I am Greta Wolfcastle," Greta said. "My father is McBain, you know."
"Don't makes me mad," Rainier Wolfcastle said from behind, "or I'll uses you head as a bowling ball!"
"Alright, then, who's that?", Krusty said, tugging on collar nervously.
"Nelson Muntz," Nelson said, hands in his pockets. "And now bugger off."
" Krusty finally turned to Bart. "I could swear I've seen you before
what's your name?"
"Bart Simpson," Bart said. "I saved you from prison, I helped to get your Bar Mizwah done and once even worked for you!"
"Can't recall," Krusty said, marching on.
"The secret," he said, "about my sweets and toys are that I don't rely on workers to do the job
no, it's all completely done with computers, except for a few little things. Come on
He led them through a small door. "This way,", he said. Putting a large key into the door, he turned it and the door swung open. "Everybody in
but don't get a heart attack, hehe!"
The door opened slowly, revealing what looked like a huge grassy field. A river of chocolate was tinkling nearby, and trees of every shape and size grew in thick sets. Bart was quite sure that these were eatable, but he dared not move in case some of the other kids noticed him.
"Well, everybody," Krusty said, "this is the room where I store all the sweets that are to be sold around the world. I'd invite you to have some of it, but... the last person that had some of this mushroom over there...", he pointed to a small group of bright pink mushrooms that seemed to be made of cotton candy, "had to stay in bed for three weeks with his tongue swollen to thrice its size."
"Too true!", Mel said, eyeing the mushrooms warily. "I'll never have any of this candy again as long as I live!"
"Funny," Cletus said, eyeing the trees, "this sounds just like the food Brandine cooks..."
"Come on, people," Krusty said. "Let's get a move on, I have an appointment at the hairdresser's at five and I don't wanna miss any of it."
Bart looked around if no one was looking, then grabbed some of the cotton candy mushrooms, stowing them in his pocket.
Suddenly, a scream rang through the room.
The boy had snuck away while no one was paying attention and was now bent down low over the river of chocolate, spooning hot melted chocolate into his mouth.
"Schoki!", he said while bending even farther down.
"Erm..." Krusty was chewing his nails nervously. "Mel, would you?"
Mel darted forward, trying to grab Uter by the feet, narrowly missing the boy. Uter fell into the river with a resounding splash and was at once covered in thick chocolate.
"Well, I have good news and bad news," Krusty said to the mother. "The good news is that the chocolate is the only thing that doesn't cause any diseases. The bad side of it all is that we'll have to fish him out of the chocolate... ah!"
A monkey had come up to Krusty, tugging his sleeve.
"What's up, Mr Teeny number 10067?", Krusty asked.
"Oh, yes," Krusty waved his hands indifferently. "Get the woman to the chocolate machine and try to get her fat son out...."
"Well, these are my workers," Krusty explained. "they don't cost nearly as much as real people, and I can make as many of them as I like thanks to Professor Frink." Krusty passed Mel, and as he did so, he poked him in the side hard.
"Mel, don't you wanna tell our guests something?", Krusty said.
"Oh, yes.... wait..." Mel was still rubbing his back.
"You have to know that Mel really likes to sing, don't you Mel?", Krusty said. "And 1, and a 2 and a 1 2 3..."
The fat boy with the stupid name
decided to play a really silly game:
while no one looked, he dived low
and fell into the river, calling 'oh no!'
While some think it's good, others say it's sad
'cause the boy will ruin the chocolate
but please don't fret, cause help is there
The boy looks sweeter than before!
The boy looks sweeter than before!
"Thank you, Mel!", Krusty clapped. "Now, everybody, get a move on..."
Krusty led them to the side of the river, where a giant boat was waiting. About thirty Mr Teeneys were preparing to row it.
The boat swayed slightly as the kids got into it, and Bart, who came in last, shook it on purpose so that the others all tumbled around. Nelson, who sat down next to Bart, rapped his knuckles over his head.
"Ouch!" Bart shot him a glare.
"And... off we are!", Krusty said. "Everybody hold on tight, I don't want to have to pull any other kids out of this, you know..."
"When I was younger," Grampa suddenly said, "nobody told us not to fall into a river of chocolate. that was of course loing before they invented the toilet paper and Kennendy was still working in out local grocery shop . I remember that in World War One, everybody would have gladly died for a spoonful of-"
"Grampa!", Bart said. "I am trying to enjoy this, you know."
"When I was a boy," Grampa said, slightly huffed, "we would do anything to enjoy ourselves, and having a ride in such a-"
"GRAMPA!", Bart yelled, and everybody's head spun around.
"Just.... shut it, okay?", Bart said, a little quieter now.
Chapter Three: The Second Child
The boat finally landed on a shore. Here, there wasn't sugared grass, but something that looked ly chunks of caramel, breaking as the kids trod on it. Krusty led them to a door in the next wall, ushering them all in.
"Wow!", Bart said.
They had entered a big room with all kinds of odd trinkets and inventions. Hissing noises were heard everywhere, along with the screeches of dozens of Mr Teenys, and a clapping sound, and a bubbling sound, and over all of it, there was smell of liquid sugar.
"Now, kids," Krusty said, "You can have a look around, but just don't touch anything; okay?"
Bart scooped off, looking at a large tank where a few Mr Teenys were busy shooting little balls around.
"What're these for?", Bart asked.
Krusty frowned. "Well, these balls," he fished one out of the tank, "are for breaking out your teeth. You know", he added as he saw the shocked expressions of all of them, "after having too much sweets, your teeth will get all black and start to hurt, right?"
"Well, and these are for breaking the bad teeth out!", Krusty said. "Right, Mel?"
Mel rolled his eyes. "Actually," he said, "half of my teeth are fake by now, the rest was broken out by those horrible sweets."
"See?", Krusty said. "and now, check this out!"
He reached into a tube-
"Ouch!" He shook his hand in pain. "Wrong tube.." Then he grabbed into another one, retrieving something that looked a lot like-
"Chewing Gum!", Jessica Lovejoy exclaimed. "That's cool!"
"Well, it isn't any ordinary gum," Krusty said. "This gum, ladies and gentlemen, contains a complete menu at Krustyburger!"
"And why would anyone want that?", Greta Wolfcastle sneered. "Sounds weird."
"Sounds interesting," Bart said, looking at the gum.
"Sounds like it's made for me," Jessica Lovejoy said, snatching the piece of gum out of his hands.
"Well," Reverend Lovejoy said, shrugging, "We used to give her gum just to keep her silent you know
now she is addicted
Jessica had begun to chew on it; however, after a few seconds, her face contorted. "Eww!", she said. "That's horrible!"
"What did you expect?", Greta said. "It's Krustyburger, after all."
"Wait!", Bart exclaimed. "what happens to her?"
Indeed, as he shad chewed, Jessica had suddenly gained weight. Also, she changed her colour
slowly but surely, Jessica Lovejoy became a-
"She's turning into a Krustyburger!", Nelson said. "Haw haw!"
"She can be lucky Uter isn't here anymore," Bart said. "He'd finish her off in no time
"Mel?", Krusty said. "How about a song?"
"Well," Mel sighed. "Here you go
The ghastly girl, the blabbermouth,
she finally got what she deserved.
For after chewing, it turned out,
She only could be served.
For as you see, in front of you,
She now is a Krustyburger.
So, if you don't chew, and stay nice,
The same fate will not apply to you!"
"Quite wonderful!", Krusty applauded. Bart had snuck off and picked one of the jawbreakers out of the tube, stuffing it into his pocket to the poisonous fungi.
but how is she going to sing at the church?", Lovejoy said; he'd bee watching the whole process with open eyes an mouth. "God, forgive me!", he said.
"Well," Greta sneered, "at least you'll have the fatties in church this Sunday."
This earned her a haw-haw from Nelson.
Krusty whistled, and another Mr Teeny came up.
"Get her over to the dressing room, and try to make her loo presentable," Krusty said.
"IIIEP!" he Mr teeny saluted, and hobbled off.
"Now," Krusty said, "on we go!"
Chapter Four: The Third Child
"Here you go," Krusty said, " we're almost done. The next thing we have to visit would be the room where my commercials are being done. At the moment, we are doing aone with a pig
" He opened a door.
"Really?" Mr Wolfcastle said. "You know, I happen to work on TV, too
"Yeah, yeah," Krusty said. "Now, in with you!"
In fact, when all of them were in, they could see cameras, laps, and a lot of Mr Teeny scuttling around. And on the stage put up in the middle of the room was a pig, a fat one with a tuft of blond hair.
"Ooooh!", Greta Wolfcastle said, "I want to have this!" She tugged on her father's sleeve. "Daddy?"
"Well, Mr Krustofski," Mr Wolfcastle said. "How much?" and he retrieved a big wallet of his pocket.
"Oh, he won't be sold," Krusty said. "We are going to make them into one actual burger. And anyway," he looked at Greta, "I wouldn't sell my staff to such an ugly, unfriendly girl."
"DADDY!" Greta boomed. "I want this pig!"
"But you already have a pony," Mr Wolfcastle said, ticking off her pets on his fingers. "And a guinea pig, and three hamsters, and six cats, a racing horse, and a set of hunting dogs as well a parrot and turtle and a stork and a batch of-"
"BUT I WANT THIS PIG!", Great said, false tears running down her cheeks now. Bart gagged; he couldn't understand how he was ever able fall in love with that girl.
"Sorry," Krusty said in a mock imitation of Rainier's German accent. "Mr Krustofski is being unreasonable!"
Now, Greta had had enough. She jumped over the ropes separating them from the filming team, and ran towards the pig. It shrieked, and ran away, Greta trailing behind it. But every time she though she had it for good, if slipped through her fingers again. Finally, she was nearly out of breath, and so was the pig, who was by now covered in cables.
"Gotcha!" Greta had reached for the twisted tail of the pig and grabbed it.
But her happiness was only for short. For as she tugged on the pig, the set of cables wound around the pig triggered a camera to fall down, which made the next one fall over
finally, the girl was covered in cables and cameras and lamps
Bzzzzzp. A shock of blue light, and it was silent.
"Ouch," Bart said.
" Krusty. "She might be well, you'd just have to go down and check, yeah?" Krusty said, gently pushing Mr Wolfcastle forward. As them an climbed over the fence, he nudged Mel who began to sing:
"She was greedy little snob
her father was a dumb movie star
what she did now was over the top
she was so greedy, it went to far
she got electrocuted, shocked, yeah
her hair's on end, she's buzzing like a cable
Will she ever again be able
To have a normal life?
She just got her just reward
As well as her father will
'cause father daughter are never far apart
I bet they won't be greedy still.
Now both of 'em, as you will see
Coughing up smoke
Are brimming to the brim
They are filled with electricity!"
Indeed, as Mel had sung, a blue lightning had hit Mr Wolfcastle as well, and as it was said in the song, they were brimming, their hair on end.
"Haw haw!", Nelson said as Krusty clapped. Bart was lying on his back, holding his belly laughing. "That
too much!", he choked.
"Excellent, Mel." He bowed towards Mr Wolfcastle. "Ask one of the Mr Teenys to show you the way out," he said to Greta and her father. "We still have something left
Chapter Five: The Fourth Child
"And here we are!", Krusty said. "This the room where I keep my Teenys fit. Also, I have my cloning chamber here." He whistled. "Professor Fink, say hello to my visiitors."
"Why, hello<Glavin!>!", the professor said. "We were just about to clone a few more Teenys, wanna watch<Hiccup>?"
"They sure do!", Krusty said. "See?" He pointed at a small metal room, looking like a medium wardrobe, in which one Mr Teeny just went to. Professor Frink pressed a button on a remote, and with a hissing sound, the door closed. There was a great rattling sound, and finally, the machine spat up twenty monkeys.
"We do this to get new workers," Krusty explained. "In fact, it is much cheaper than paying people full-time. And the Prof's happy wit hteh life he'd leading yeah?"
Frink nodded. "At least I can do what I want here." He said. "The gouvernment's always like 'No we on't pay' whenever I construct anything
they even said my death-ray wouldn't work. But it does! I tell ya, it work!"
"Okay," Krusty said. "Enough of that
" He frowned at Frink, who was still blabbering about his ray.
could destroy half of China
"So, what do'ya think?", Krusty asked, dealing Frink a blow that made him shut up immediately.
"Wow!", Bart said. "that's cool!" And he thought of how many pranks he could pull if there were twenty of him. Skinner would not know where he had his head
Nelson had similar thoughts, so he asked. "Would one be able to reproduce humans?"
"I think so," Frink said. "Even thought I am <Glavin!> not sure."
But Nelson didn't wait to hear more; he snatched the remote out of Frink's hand and ran for the wardrobe. Kicking the monkeys left away, he jumped in. There was a rattling sound, a cough of smoke from the machine, and then
Under the watching eyes of Cletus, Bart, Grampa, and Krusty and Mel, a miniature Nelson climbed out of the cloning cabinet.
"Oops," Frink said, twiddling his fingers. "Well, I thought as much
" He went over to the Nelson and picked him up. "Here you go," he said as he trust the small boy into Cletus hands- in fact, Nelson was the size of a pin now.
"He ain't me son!" Cletus said. "Look after him yerself, Frinky!" And he headed for the doors. As he left, he kept muttering to himself.
"Brandine will like what I brought fer her
I hope she likes sweets." And he patted his pockets, filled up with all kinds of sweets. Then, he was gone.
wher am I?", they could hear him screech.
"OUCH!" Mel yelped. "Ah, I see
And he broke out into a song:
"Who's always mad and likes to laugh
at other's mishaps, pain and thinks
that he can pull it
off all day?
'this Nelson, or the miniature boy, as we might say.
He liked to taunt his classmates, and pull her undies up
And paint the school's hallways red
He said Skinner was a Wiener
A mommy's boy
That still took his cuddly bear to bed.
Now Nelson is the shrunken one, the one they all pick on
The smallest in the batch, the baby with the pacifier
The lil' one, the classes nerd
The others soon started picking on him
As they heard
That Nelson was shrunken and small.
And they didn't feel sorry at all."
"Bravo, bravo!", Krusty said. "Wonderful, eh, boy?" He nudged Bart into the side. Then, he turned around, a wide grin on his face. "Soooo
how many are left?"
"Just me," Bart said. "Where's my prize?"
"What prize?", Krusty said. "I'm going to drive yer home, get you an autograph, and that's it."
Bart pouted. "Aww, man
" He pulled a pace. "Eat my shorts!"
" I'd rather not, Mel said. "If you excuse me, there are still a few kids who need to get out of here
As Bart climbed into Krusty's car, he could see the other kids coming out of the factory. First off, there was Uter, covered in chocolate from head to toe, sucking on his fingers with passion.
Then came Jessica Lovejoy. She still looked remarkably like a Krustyburger, but now was having green hair and a red nose- they had dressed her up as a Krusty, and she wasn't happy about it, and neither was Reverend Lovejoy.
The next ones were Greta Wolfcastle and her father. They both were still buzzing blue every few steps, and as the passed a street lamp on the way out, it switched on. Bart had to giggle at this.
Last was Nelson, now standing on two sticks so that he was at least as tall as before
technically speaking. As he passed a puddle of water, he laughed at himself, soon realising that was no fun however.
Bart leaned back into the seat of Krusty's car. That had been the best day ever